The world is supposed to end this morning as if you hadn’t heard, yes, the Mayans gave us the good news quite a while back, let us pray that it doesn’t because we all have plans for 2013 (put on a stone, cancel membership to the gym, drink more, smoke more, never do the kids homework for them again, let husband apply for more credit cards etc.. etc..)….. it would be a great shame to see those changes go to waste over a silly prediction! Anyway, I’ve heard enough doom and gloom in the last few weeks, no-one has any money including me, the country’s still going to the dogs, Jimmy Saville got away with it because he died before anyone could do something horrible to him, Country School stinks and above all Annabel is having an appalling time with Mum and tooth! SOOOOO, I’m going to get the party started early at my end and forget all about what’s going on out there, I think we can start by enjoying and perhaps even joining in with some of the top 10 “reindeer games”………..

1. Strip poker with Mr Claus 2. Pooing down the chimneys of non-believers 3. Moose or Dare 4. Flying into general “No Fly Zones” (bit difficult as we’ve had to sell our jet) 5. Turn Frosty Yellow from 50 Paces Contest 6. Scare the jellybeans out of airline pilots 7. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey and last but no means least the no. 8 Reindeer Game ”Rudolph the Shit-faced Reindeer” a drinking game, this being the easiest reindeer game for Grace, Annabel and I to get to grips with as no instructions are needed.

To help me understand a little better why I might be so in love with my beautiful but hideously naff Christmas tree perhaps I should be considering the fact that the tree, with all it’s music and snow poofing out at the top, might be better value than my man for the following reasons, it is permanently erect (not to mention the cute little balls) and I won’t have to put up with it all year round!! By the way I have also noted over the last 38 yrs (hem..hem!!) that there are clearcut signs Santa could actually be a woman, firstly she always remembers it’s Christmas, nuff said; a man simply wouldn’t care if you were naughty or nice and matching shoes and belt, come on, only a woman would accessorise a Onesy like that. No man would EVER name his animals Dancer and Prancer and lastly I have NEVER seen a Santa peeing off the rooftop!! So…….. obviously female.

To finish off my pre-Christmas post I must share a seasonal joke with you to send you on your merry way:

Three men pass away in a car accident on Christmas Eve and find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something “Christmassy”, so the first man searches his pocket and finds some Mistletoe; he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties; confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?” and the third man answers “They’re Carol’s.”

…….Tee hee!!

Happy Christmas Everyone!!!