Just wish I meant sterling rather than avoirdupois. What I can’t understand is my mindset just doesn’t seem to be programmed to eat well at the moment. Was discussing this subject with my good friend B. today over lunch (which was healthy nigiri Japanese followed swiftly by a huge slab of Dairy Milk) and we couldn’t figure out why we are eating so much lately. It is as if, to coin a phrase of my mother’s, we are cutting off our noses to spite our faces. Or in our case, stuffing naughties into our mouths to spite our bodies.
A couple of times a week I hop (well, gingerly step) onto my bathroom scales. I try to wear as little as possible on these occasions – just a bra and pants usually. I stand there, toes hanging off the edge of the scales (I like to think this deducts a few ounces from the reading) and gawp at the dial. Almost always this is a depressing experience so, with a deep sigh, I remove my underwear and tiny stud earrings to make myself lighter. As I stand there shivering on the scales, my unharnessed bosoms wobbling like strawberry jellies, my weight has usually increased. How that happens I have no idea – must be an amusing quirky feature that the manufacturers incorporate just for a laugh.
So, faced with the undeniable fact that I am 10lbs over my target weight, I suck in my stomach and pull my shoulders back (improved posture makes you look as if you have lost half a stone you know) and mull over how I’m going to lose the remaining 3lbs. I plan to eat chicken soup all week because that’s only 150 calories a bowl. What’s a week of constant chicken soup if it means I am going to be able to get into every single thing in my wardrobe again by the weekend? It’s a small sacrifice. OK. Am definitely going to do this. Nothing will stop me.
It’s 6pm. I am gasping for a glass of Sauvignon. “No” Grace, I reprimand myself “that’s like drinking a glass of sugar”. “Well, that’s fine because I’m only having chicken soup tonight”. “What about that Pecan & Maple Danish you gobbled up at the BP petrol station this morning?” “Well, that’s OK, I’m only having chicken soup tonight.” “Have you forgotten about the Dairy Milk already?”. “Oh God. OK, I won’t add any noodles to the damned soup.” “Oh Grace, don’t you want to reduce that muffin top?”. “Oh, for goodness sake. Bugger off and leave me alone. You’ve made me so miserable now I’m going to have another glass of wine and wear my smock tomorrow.”
Yours, chubbily and slightly squiffy (again), Grace x