Ingredients:
2 cups flour, 8oz butter, cup sugar, tsp salt, cup muscovado, 4 eggs, nuts, 2 bottles wine, lots dried fruit.

Method:
Sample the wine to check quality. Take large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure it is of highest quality, pour one level cup anddrink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in alarge fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this pointit’s best to make sure the wine is still OK. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl andchuck in the dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the frieddruit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt.Or something. Now shift the lemon juice and strain yournuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or whatever comes to hand. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Remember to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through window. Finish wine. Order taxi to Tesco and buy cake.


Here’s to a very merry Christmas girls!