Where to start…………………?
I note that I may have been born of elephant. The skin that I inhabit is so very thick that sometimes I truly believe I am super-human (sic stupid), not physically, but mentally. It doesn’t seem to matter how many petrol bombs, abuse or criticism my husband throws at our tiny family, and my God there have been plenty, this duracel bunny just keeps on going…… on and on and on, but for so many years I have wished that I could stop the cycle. I have wished that I might know “when” I should stop the cycle and more than anything I have wished that I might have the “courage” to stop the rotten cycle of this marriage.
We no longer speak civil words to one another, we no longer plan for the future (he says it’s pointless and that we must think of the now, actually he has always said that and oh yeah, what fun it has been, we have lost everything and he is still drinking) but of the utmost importance we no longer even pretend to like each other in front of the kids. I say that this is of the utmost importance because I believe that once this restraint has gone it is almost OK to admit that we need to do this marriage another way. How sad it is, but I’m sure we can both feel it coming, the train is careering towards us fast, very, very fast and every day it feels more and more likely that this time next year we will no longer be together as one unit.
Ellie x
P.S Which seats will the kids and I get now…2012!!!???